Love
Tosin very rarely did anything right, but one thing he wanted to do more than ever, was Love well. Growing up Catholic, he learned, there's no greater way to Love someone, than to give your life for their greater good. A rapper, by trade, he could spin a tale with words more whimsical than your favorite fiction series, more entrancing than your most beloved possession, and more challenging than your greatest fear. The way in which he interwove himself into every lyric, depicting such unapologetically hellacious or indescribably Heavenly scenes and events, would make you feel as though you'd been on the most intense rollercoaster of your life. He had an incredible gift. However, plagued by his past failed relationships with girls, his parents violent divorce, his never ending struggle to find loyal friends he can trust, he was losing hope that he had any reason to live. Radiance, like most girls her age, was finally ready to run free, do her own thing, pave her own path in life. A self taught vocalist and guitarist, she longed for the stage. At 19, she had achieved more awards for sports and academics than all of her siblings and friends. The middle child of 7, she was sometimes overshadowed by the eldest and youngest kids. Her older brother and sister did well to take care of her. She grew very close to them over the years. Radiance, however, always felt like the odd man out, for she had never had a boyfriend, much less any real romantic interest. She, in some ways, was like one of the guys. But her internal girl brain said,"why don't they think I'm pretty?" Plagued with loneliness, she was on a quest to find a guy worth her time and effort to Love and care. This is the story of how Tosin and Radiance came to find Love is Hoping in the most radically difficult situations, the most insane set of circumstances, and the most unforgiving portion of emotions arising to the surface. This is their story. From Love to loss to Love again. Tosin and his then fiancée, Shoshana, were traveling to their mutual friends marriage ceremony. They had been summoned to play music. They, however, we're slowly falling apart. Tosin, who was unsure of his future, had asked Shoshana to marry him just 7 months prior. But, because she was finishing college, they had no time to do the necessary wedding planning. As the looming uncertainty of their future weigh heavily on their chests, they arrived at the wedding, prepared with music. As the ceremony continued, Tosin knew that he was not yet ready for this type of commitment and decided to take his life seriously, to give Shoshana the much needed confidence and security she needed in their relationship. Later, at the wedding reception, Shoshana began drinking, and, as with alcohol, so left her inhibitions and out came her emotions. She had always longed to be with another friend of hers, Diego. And expressed this to him, and many others openly. When word of this got to Tosin, who had spent the last of his gas money repairing a broken headlamp from a minor accident they had gotten into on the drive to the wedding, he was both heartbroken and infuriated. At this, he found her, whispered in her ear, amidst the loud music, saying, "I'm going home tonight. You have 10 minutes before I go back to pack all our things so we can leave." And, he began to walk outside. Shoshana, embarrassed, came running after him, and the two of them found their way to the car. As Tosin started the engine, he had one chance to stay collected. But in a fit of rage, he berated Shoshana with insults and accusations. Raising his voice at her, which he had never done before, he did not relent, even with Shoshana in tears and sobbing morosely, as if, after his polemic, she was sure to die. The argument never ceased. Amidst the chaos, the two of them managed to pack all their things, even helping one another remember where they had laid certain items, so as not to forget them. Neither could see, in their darkest hour, they still chose to work together. This, later, became a sign to Tosin. Packing the car, mid argument, Tosin stopped and asked,"Are you forgetting anything else? Because I'm not coming back." Shoshana emphatically said,"No, and if I am, it clearly doesn't matter enough to you to go find out." And with that, they were off. They were stopped, however, by the parents of the groom, who's house they had taken up residence. The husband said,"If God desires it, all shall mend itself. If not, expect miracles to come forth from this situation." Tosin had heard this a day before, from the priest who heard his confession. He thanked the man, and drove off into the night. It was around midnight. Shoshana, still crying gently, didn't dare look at Tosin. He didn't acknowledge her existence. While driving, Tosin came upon what appeared to be construction work. As he got closer, he saw devastation. A truck had recently been in a head on collision with something. Tosin pulled the car over to investigate. Several cars behind him did the same. He came upon the driver of the truck, whose airbag had deployed, saving his life, and whose passenger was laughing with a small laceration to his forehead. Tosin and another patron helped both men to a different vehicle for assessment. Tosin came back to the truck, searching for evidence of what the trucker had run into, and, following the skid marks, found another car, nose first in the ditch, just across the street. He rushed to the driver side. The driver, a woman, her head was wedged within a hole in the windshield. She was lifeless. Tosin came around to the other side. The passenger was wearing her seatbelt, and non-responsive. He called out to her, and she began to scream. Several people came to help Tosin pull the door off its hinges, for it was impaired beyond opening by normal means. Once open, the seatbelt was cut, and the young woman was rushed to the hospital via EMT. Shoshana was distraught by the entire situation. She had called paramedics and police. Waiting for what seemed like forever, the officers began directing traffic away from the scene, and toward another high way. Shoshana, barely able to speak, still in shock from the events of the day, fell asleep. Tosin placed his right hand on her left knee, and begged God for a miracle. He heard a voice,"Are you ready to learn to Love?" "Yes, Lord." "You must let her go. The one who is to be your future wife is soon coming." Tosin began to weep. "But I've given so much. Why can't I just stay with her?" "She does not desire to marry you. She is unsure of her own life at this point. Set her free and be set free." And Tosin drove home.
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Dear Queen,
Before I begin my prayer time this morning, I want to share with you my realization of who I Am. I am a man, who's been beaten, raped, stolen from, reduced to nothing, cornered, flogged with wrathful scorn, plunged into the deepest depths of darkness, and rendered useless by the enemy and all who opposed Love. I am not a sum total of my failures or circumstances. I am beyond. There is no real reason I should be alive. I've been in no less than 7 near death experiences. I've come into contact with several life threatening diseases and destructive forces that should've taken me out. I've lost my way and given way to suicidal tendencies several times in life. Etc. However, the main reason I live today, is my First Love, Jesus. He snatched me up from the chords of death. He cut off, at the root, the descent into alcoholism and drug addiction in my life. He tore the veil of shame and guilt over my life choices from me. He fought to keep me alive and keep me in Love. And He won. When I met you, first in my Heart, when I was 5 years old, I knew that You and I were going to be the most powerful couple in history. That's big dreams for a little boy. But my adventurous spirit took me on a journey. One that won't end at our Altar call. I desired nothing more than to Love a woman with all of me, giving her the Grace shown to me, and constantly pointing her back to my First Love, Jesus. As my mentor and big brother, He showed me how to Love another. Starting with Himself. Through singing, I began to worship. Through rap, I began to War. Then, He showed me how to Love someone else. Through trial and error, I lost my selfishness. I still struggle with knowing my worth, this being primary, to a Strong Love. But it wasn't until just two years ago, He taught me how to Love myself. I was consumed with hatred for myself. I desired truly that I be taken advantage of. Because I knew no different in my Life. This morning, standing more fully in who I Am than I ever have, I see that these efforts by Jesus to form me and shape me, where for You. This is all about You. When I knew You, I saw the Love You deserved. And rather than run and cheat You of it, I had to humble myself, and carry You with me, like a Cross. At first I was burdened. But as I realized the Holy Divine task I had, I relished in the challenge and reveled in the power I had to actually Love someone fully. And I started walking. And I never looked back. This was never about me: this was about You. God creates nothing bad. He valued You in Your mother's womb and before time began. He shocked the world when you came on the scene. And He invested time into Your heart's desires. He said," I WILL make a Man after my own Heart for You. As my Queen, You deserve no less than one who would serve You and lead You to servanthood of Love." He designed me, flaws and all, to be Your equal, and I asked Him to make me Your servant. All that's yours to do is receive the free gift of my Love. I require nothing but acceptance. When You run I will chase. When You fly, I'll carry you as the Wind carries the eagle. When You fall, I will do my best to catch You. When You die, I will walk You into our heavenly Home. When You need to get away, I'll give You space. When You need the arms of Love, I'll hold You and never let You go. And when You need to give, I will bow and receive You. I was made for You. I was made to Love You and be Loved by You. Regardless of the time of day or the season of life, You've been on my Heart since I was 5 and wanted a wife and kids. God makes no mistakes. Let me Love You more. This is all that I Desire. Today, July 8th, 2015, I, Genesis, hereby vow, not to give my Heart away to another, not to try to place someone in my life because of loneliness or suffering, and not to remove You from my Heart or Mind for same said reasons. I vow to stay faithful to You. Whether You are physically present in my Life or not. And I vow to pray, in Love and in Peace, for your arrival. And when I see You, coming up on the horizon, leaning on Your Beloved, Jesus, I vow to ask Him for wisdom and courage, to be given Your Beautiful Hand, to lead You back to Him every moment, to walk us back into His loving embrace every moment of every day for the rest of our lives, from this moment and on throughout eternity. I vow to learn how to become a good steward of my time, money, and gifts, truly valuing myself, and giving and receiving the offering of Love from those who run along side me and support me. I vow to create a space for You. A Home. Somewhere You can Come and rest as well as Grow. I vow to give us a family. First, a Body of friends and family to help us seek the most eternal good for each other and ourselves. And later, a physical family, in marriage. I vow to be a righteous and loving Father, attentive to the needs and pondering of our children. Ever praying for their growth in God and protecting them from all harm, especially the spiritual and emotional trauma we have both been victims of. I vow to be a Good Husband. One who sees and values the thoughts and opinions of His wife and carefully creates an equal place of leadership, while taking full responsibility for the road we walk and doing so with Faith and in fear and trembling. I vow to be a Passionate Lover. One who gives and receives. One who serves before being served. One who asks for help, which is so very hard to do. One who murders the prideful stance my heart would take in thinking I know what I'm doing without consulting my two most trusted confidants, Jesus and You. And I vow, to be honest and open about all things. An open line of communication, built on the foundation of understanding and grace and mercy. I vow to put You First, second only to Jesus. I vow to renew my vows to You daily, serving as my eternal reminder that loving You is a privilege and a gift, and that I am not God and You require God's love to be Loved well. My Love. Here I am. I call you Home. Find rest in Jesus today. Let Him lead You. Trust Him fully. He will not lead You astray. You know Him. You hear His voice. You see His face. He's standing with you, leading you each day. Stay with Him. I will be here when He decides to bring you to me. His timing is best. In the Eternal embrace of the Father of Lights, Genesis J. Martin Burkley, Sir Kuriakos Elias Chavara, Knight of the Holy Queen. |
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