I find this blog will be a place of letting myself grow. As you read this poem, realize this about me. I am barely a man. having used every excuse not to grow up. But I am learning to look at myself with Love and Peace and remember life is a powerful expression of the Beauty of Eternal life. This is how I choose to End the War. The war on myself and others. Against my heart and my better judgment. This is where I take a stand and forgive me. And anyone that may have hurt me in the past. This is where I love. I get off my high horse and realize I need help. And ask for it. Thank you for staying close. Enjoy.
V: As I laid in bed to pray I saw glimpses of visions, painted on the walls of my heart, that though we both stood at arms length, shared meals and beds, hearts and spirits, wine and fiery words, we would one day know Peace. I remember every word. The good and the bad. I remember how we treated one another. Me with my cheating heart, you with you violent words, filling the cup of wrath I had to drink in order to find forgiveness... For myself. I see how difficult it is for you to see the Glory of who you are. It's hard for others to see it too when you bury it behind steel walls and machine guns of serrated blade edges, dipped in poison, on fire, dripping with gasoline and blood from your own heart...you'd rather kill yourself than let anyone in again...I get that. And I hope I'm wrong from this day forward. Because I'm laying it all down. All my fancy artillery shell casings loaded for bear, all my invective ready to swing on you like mayweather did to Manny, all my deceit and lies to hide myself. I refuse to lose this Time. I've decided it's better to Learn to Love than to reverse the Trust. I give up. I'm here if you need someone to slice up with your anger, for putting you through the worst relationship you've ever known. I'm here if you decide that you truly want to know my heart. Whichever you choose. Use me as your punching bag or as your patient of war that you've been charged to heal. I've learned a lot. And it begins with this. No fight was ever won by two sides using the same weaponry. So I lay mine down. There's no more war. I refuse to fight you. And I refuse to believe I know you. Because I don't. Loving you has been the most difficult task in my life. Not because of you primarily, but because of me. I had to get out of my own way to see you. And I don't think I have yet, but I'm trying. Time heals every scar. Mine may take a while. Yours are healed. And if you look deep enough, behind friendly lines, you won't find a damaged heart. You'll find power to love and receive love. You'll find patience and virtue. And maybe you'll find the courage you need to lay down your arms and war no more.
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There are powers greater than ours at work, and maybe it's time we get on board their bandwagon. For so long, this concept has been known to me as a lot of different things. Faith, Karma, Cosmic Coincidence, Awakening, etc. But recently, I had a conversation with an angel (yes, that kind of thing is possible without you needing to go to a psyche ward for evaluation and study lol) that blew the lid off my understanding of it.
Fate, or something that can be looked at as Eternal Consciousness, works in many ways. For myself, at first, it was déjà vu. Simple moments in life of other than knowing, where I had a sense of having lived the moment I'm currently in, beforehand, or was already aware of the outcome of the situation before it played itself out. As I got older, I began growing in Insight; for some, this can be called Prophecy. Which was and is a very literal knowing of things I have not been told or should know under any circumstances, for instance knowing of a certain ailment before I had been told about it, even ailments that have been present in people's lives before I was born. Other instances being knowing of certain moments or situations that are not common knowledge except to the person or people directly involved in them. There are varying other ways in which this has presented itself but these are just several areas. Fate has widely been known as the unchanging future, or Predestination of things past, present, and future. However, if I may, I'd like to say I don't believe Fate is any such thing. Fate, to me, has become an awareness of possible pathways and future roads, and the ability to walk them out or change them. There is a line is one of my favorite movies, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. "There's no fate but what we make for ourselves." Young John Connor goes into the philosophical idea that Fate is ultimately alterable and never simply a path of who's design cannot be changed. And I believe this to be true. Free Will plays a huge role in this. But beyond that, Love. Love is the central mystery I have and will continue to slave over, combing the surface of until I reach the depths of it. And of Love, I can safely say, no matter the opposition to it, it cannot be destroyed. It can merely be transferred. Transfected from one plane to another, in order that All be unified. Fate and Love. These two have forever been conjoined. And here is how, at least, a little, to my understanding. Fate allows us the viewpoint with which to see our lives in different perspectives, and Love allows us to light the path and walk it out. Say, a couple, preparing for marriage, suddenly deciding they are not supposed to marry each other, and instead, separating and journeying to their hearts desires instead of living their lives based on some arbitrary commitment they both entered into our of some rash decisions they both made. See, to me, Love is Who we are, not what we do. Fate is where we'll go, not where we're destined. Destiny is a legacy of Fate and Love, built over eons and eons of trial and error, getting it right and losing it all, the ebbing and flowing of Eternal life in all it's ways. Right now, there's at least 5 women on planet earth that I know of that I'd love to get a chance to sit down with and discuss entering into this lifelong dalliance of togetherness. None of them know each other, and only 3 of them know me, to varying greater or lesser degrees. But, truthfully, as I have decided in this very moment, I will not pursue anything with any of them. The case could be made that it would be a stretch for me to even get in touch with the two who do not know of my existence, simply because they run in completely different circles and extremely different walks of life, that I would have to go through many different channels just to possibly get a small message through to them. And of the 3 that do know me, I'm currently out of touch with 2 of them and 1 is very against the thought of a relationship with anyone. Now, be all that as it may, Fate has conspired to work toward the favor of all who invoke its aid, and I know that now, I am in no need of Fates aid. So, I wait patiently for a better time to arise and instead decide working on myself and my own personal goals is much more advantageous than procuring a conversation with either of these 5 women about the possibility of a future relationship. This is where the meeting place between fate and love is. Truly I say to you who read: Are you prepared to walk this journey of eternity, sternly facing every obstacle in your path and instead of simply bulldozing through them, maybe walking around or even paving a pathway through them? Fate is on your side, and Love is who you are. Walk With Me... "It could take 10-20 years for what started as a small light in your heart and mind to come forth..."
Hello World. First of all, thank you for walking this road with me. I have a lot to share with you. A lot to bring to the table of your realm of belief and understanding. For today, I want to share with you my heart on Eternity and how real it is right now. Have you ever had déjà vu? Some people say it's living a past life over again. Some say it's the universe's way of telling you that you're in the right place at the right time or vice versa. What if it were to show you that you are Eternal?! Walk with me...we're gonna go down some rabbit holes. Even to those that discredit an Eternal realm, much can be said in science for an unknown universe. For instance, looking up in the night sky, you see the light of stars. Scientists have theorized that what our naked eye perceives could actually be a view from the past and the future at the same time. Stars are trillions upon trillions (probably farther) of light years away, save for our sun. So the light we see from stars could in fact be the light of a dead star's explosion finally reaching our solar system, hundreds of trillions of light years away. Yet all we see, is a whole star. In the blink of an eye, you can see the birth and death of a star, again trillions (I'm hoping you get the picture by now, it's really far away lol) of light years out. This distance, if measured by time, is hundreds of millions of years away, unless traveled at light speed, then it's simply millions of light years away. That being said, in our mortal life, there's no way we could travel to that star. Yet again...you can see it with your own eyes!!! This is Eternity at work. Breaking the barriers of Time and Space. This is who we are. As you experience déjà vu, you are grasping at your Eternal life. And déjà vu is simply one way this is done. Dreams and visions, daydreaming, meditation, prayer, any practice used to reach beyond ourselves is Eternal Living. Translate this into facets of life and mortality. The daily grind of school or work, working out, eating, being health conscious, stress, even suffering are all normal facets of mortality. Death is a facet of mortality. I know some people recently that lost people very close to them, and it sent them into raging downward spirals, until at rock bottom, they decided to pick themselves up. This life, this daily grind, is what creates the glory of the process. Because we can live from an Eternal aspect. A place where all our decisions, thoughts, actions, feelings, etc, are centered on who we are Eternally. Proverbs 3:5-6 says trust in the Lord in all you ways and lean not on your own understanding. Take this from an eternal standpoint. Look outside of yourself at the More of Eternity. Gaze endlessly on the vast Experience of Never ending ness. Peer through the looking glass at the Timeless Expanse and break through to see yourself there, reflected as who you really are. It's time to really live. Hopeful. Desiring. Faithful. To You. Your heart that matters. The Promises of Yesterday are Today's Tomorrows. Come up higher than you've ever gone. The ground is smaller than a grain of sand in the ocean of Eternity. This solar system, uncharted and unknown to us that inhabit it, is a grain of sand, in comparison to what lies beyond and within you. Walk With Me... V: Because there's more than a grain of sand, I never feign to stand and raise two hands to change my plans. Fake was the way I used to slave my stance, until the Face from the Grave came and paved my path. I'm more than duly noting and quoting a book often misinterpreted. For what it's worth the perfection in it is worth the text. You don't need to be a scholar to understand, just trust when you put out your hand, gold will form where it lands. past plans into present boxes to float into future pleasures, decorate every inch and corner of your heart to find your treasures. Measure the life you've been given by more than circumstance and if it's worth a chance work with hands to show your work advanced. So many give up on a dream cuz it's unseen. Some dream of a life that they can't fathom without green. Thoughts sting until the blood from veins fills up young streams, and what was once teeming with fire doesn't puff steam. Succeed. Young Steeds functioning with one thing, the food to nourish life so they can take hold of what the must need. Life is more than answers to questions that you Youngs breed, so bring anticipation when you step into what Breathes... |
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