This morning, I am absolutely certain that if we do not know Love, there is no purpose to Life or living. I've seen friends of mine going through hard struggles, most of which deal with the lie that they believe they are unloved. Or unworthy of being Loved. I'm going to get very raw here.
No less than two years ago, I was on my death bed. A bed of my own creation. I had just gotten out of a horrible engagement and trust was the last thing I had the ability to do. So, I isolated. I rejected my need for friends and family, sat in my dark room, cried, and learned how to hate myself. I taught myself how to believe the worst things about myself are more true than the Best things about me. I resigned myself to death. Then, one day, as I was contemplating how I might leave this life for eternal existence elsewhere, amidst making my plan, I stopped and had a short conversation with God. It went like this. God* Me** *Genesis, I know you're hurting... **Shut up. I don't want to hear it. You could've fixed all this. This is your fault. You don't love me. You've never loved me. *I'm here. Just let me hold you... **No!!! Get away from me. Stop! Just let me die. I can't take this pain anymore. *Let me remove the thorns and knives from you. **God, why? Why can't I just marry someone who loves me? Why is so much expected of me to change before someone even gives me a moments notice? Why do I have to be perfect on order to get a chance to be Loved? *Can I have all of You? **Only if you're going to love me...I love You but I don't trust anything or anyone. *Will you go put the gun back in the box? **Only if you promise me that You Love me. *I promise you, I Love You... And in that moment, I felt such unrelenting and unencumbered Joy, that my whole body went numb. it stayed this way for 3 weeks. I remember waking up and noticing it was gone. But here's what I learned in those 3 weeks. I Am Loved By God. I just read a post for women to find a man after God's heart, not their body. I almost began crying, because even in my right intentions, I was still far off from the mark. Godly men don't get close to God to get a wife. They get close to God because He's worthy of our entire being, everything we could do or think or say. He's worth looking at every moment, loving each second. Men of God identify with the dichotomy of living in the world and having desires for things of this world and living in the Spirit and desiring the things of the Spirit. This morning before work, I prayed that God would reveal to me my Heart and my desires. And He did. I desire to be known by Love. I am not by any means claiming I have it all together, but my utmost desire is to be known as a man who loves well. This is a road that I'm sure with not end once this life is over. I'm sure I will learn to love even inside of eternity. But, today, even with every other desire in my Heart, fighting its way to be priority, I stand firm that, Loving God is not just first or necessary, it's Who I Am. I am not just going to Love Him. I Am Love to and for Him. Find your Name. Find your Identity. Hello, I Am Love. What's your Name? Father, let revival begin in me. That you would be more than worshipped and praised but that You would be Loved. Let this Fire go forth throughout every sphere of society on Earth, in this very moment. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
1 Comment
Rich powers
2/8/2016 12:01:49 pm
Blessed by u
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