I find this blog will be a place of letting myself grow. As you read this poem, realize this about me. I am barely a man. having used every excuse not to grow up. But I am learning to look at myself with Love and Peace and remember life is a powerful expression of the Beauty of Eternal life. This is how I choose to End the War. The war on myself and others. Against my heart and my better judgment. This is where I take a stand and forgive me. And anyone that may have hurt me in the past. This is where I love. I get off my high horse and realize I need help. And ask for it. Thank you for staying close. Enjoy.
V: As I laid in bed to pray I saw glimpses of visions, painted on the walls of my heart, that though we both stood at arms length, shared meals and beds, hearts and spirits, wine and fiery words, we would one day know Peace. I remember every word. The good and the bad. I remember how we treated one another. Me with my cheating heart, you with you violent words, filling the cup of wrath I had to drink in order to find forgiveness... For myself. I see how difficult it is for you to see the Glory of who you are. It's hard for others to see it too when you bury it behind steel walls and machine guns of serrated blade edges, dipped in poison, on fire, dripping with gasoline and blood from your own heart...you'd rather kill yourself than let anyone in again...I get that. And I hope I'm wrong from this day forward. Because I'm laying it all down. All my fancy artillery shell casings loaded for bear, all my invective ready to swing on you like mayweather did to Manny, all my deceit and lies to hide myself. I refuse to lose this Time. I've decided it's better to Learn to Love than to reverse the Trust. I give up. I'm here if you need someone to slice up with your anger, for putting you through the worst relationship you've ever known. I'm here if you decide that you truly want to know my heart. Whichever you choose. Use me as your punching bag or as your patient of war that you've been charged to heal. I've learned a lot. And it begins with this. No fight was ever won by two sides using the same weaponry. So I lay mine down. There's no more war. I refuse to fight you. And I refuse to believe I know you. Because I don't. Loving you has been the most difficult task in my life. Not because of you primarily, but because of me. I had to get out of my own way to see you. And I don't think I have yet, but I'm trying. Time heals every scar. Mine may take a while. Yours are healed. And if you look deep enough, behind friendly lines, you won't find a damaged heart. You'll find power to love and receive love. You'll find patience and virtue. And maybe you'll find the courage you need to lay down your arms and war no more.
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