I come to you, searching and seeking something greater than I have ever known. I'm not sure how this will come out but you deserve to know.
I'm not yet a man. I need to go back to school and get a degree. I need a new job. I need to learn how to save money and budget better. I need to start working out again. I need to learn how to stay firm in what I believe and what I've learned over the years while at the same time, be teachable and willing to learn and grown. I need to be ok with being wrong sometimes. I'm not yet a man. I still make the same mistakes. I'm not the best with time management. My sleep schedule is any time between sunrise and midday. My eating habits consist of oatmeal and whatever else I can find. I'm still not sure about myself or my dreams. I don't write music as much as I want to. I don't pray as often as I used to. I get distracted easily. For these things, I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn't save my virginity for you. I'm sorry that I messed with so many hearts and in turn messed with my own. I'm sorry my trust has been shaken by years of mistreating others as well as being mistreated. I'm sorry that some days I think you hate me and will never come Home. I'm sorry that I know I can do better yet choose not to sometimes. I have learned that loving you takes all of me and more. It takes God to Love you. it takes a Love that every day I have to ask to be filled with otherwise I may think it's some strength of mine that I love you with. I've learned that you are too precious of a gift to treat like a bag of chips. Taking a couple bites here and there or just consuming the whole bag without sharing... You are too be shared. you have something to offer this world. you're not mine. you're God's. and as His you deserve to be respected and cared for eternally. Loving you taught me how to love myself. I was so willing to give everything to love you. but inside I hated myself. God showed me how much of a gift I am for you. He showed me that my Love is serving you and my reward is seeing you loved well. not just by me but by Him. I get to see you grow in the Spirit. I get to see you become a wife and then a mother. I get to see you love and nurture our children and I get to help you in any and everything you need help with. I get to watch as through the years, you endure with me. I get to watch as the Love of my life becomes pure gold. my reward is knowing you are loved. and being a part of loving you all the days of our lives. So I'm here to say. I'm growing as a man. a man after God's own heart. a man who has given His all and tries everyday to wake up and give more than the day before to love you and love himself and the world around him. I can't wait to share my Love with you. to comfort you when your sad. to laugh with you when your happy. to pray with you when you're ready. I can't wait to share meals with you, work out with you, beat you in video games and then weeks later get dominated in those same games cuz you're super competitive. I can't wait to kiss your forehead and hug you and hold your hand everywhere we go. I can't wait to pursue your dreams and passions with you. I can't wait to watch you mull over cutting your hair or dying it blonde or green or pink or red or purple. I can't wait for you to see my dreads and think,"those have got to go." but then let them grow on you till you like them. then I cut them off anyway and you get sad cuz you finally liked them. I can't wait to have deep life altering conversations with you. I can't wait to sit down with your mom and dad at lunch or dinner and tell them about our life. I can't wait for you to meet my parents. my mom and her 2 horses and 4 dogs; my dad and his love for corvettes. I can't wait to worship with you. I can't wait to hear you singing in the shower and come in the bathroom and harmonize with you. I can't wait to read the Bible with you, go to church with you, dance with you, travel with you, play laser tag with you, eat pizza with you, have terrible stomach pains the next day and feel like we need to run a thousand miles and work it off with you. I can't wait to wake up before you and fix you breakfast or bring you a smoothie (or coffee even though I really hate coffee lol) I can't wait to wake up before you just to cuddle and pray over you while you sleep. I can't wait to talk to our kids about boys and girls and stuff they hopefully won't experience at a young age like I did. I can't wait to learn how to be a parent with you. I can't wait to watch you go have personal prayer time with Jesus. I can't wait to watch as you become a warrior in the Spirit. I can't wait to see you. with my own two eyes. but I will wait. because I only want to experience this life with you. Ive tried to put others in your place. but no one can fill a spot that was intended for you. I will grow in patience and love and perseverance as I become a man more and more worthy of God's Love and your love. I will pray for you. often. and know that you are praying for me. I will not give up. I will listen to that Jason Mraz song until I stop crying whenever I hear it. I will learn how to play Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud on guitar and sing it to you one day. if not I'll just sing it acapella and hope I do Ed justice. I will go to war for you and your future. no matter what road you're currently on or turning off of or turning on to. I will pray it leads you str8 to the arms of Jesus. I will be brave. I will be strong. I will be a strong tower that you can find refuge in. because God is my impenetrable fortress in whom I find rest. I feel as though we are so close to finally coming together. I see you on the horizon. I see you coming up from the fields leaning on Jesus as He unites us in His love. Dear Future Wife... Dear Prodigal Queen... Dear Gift of God... I Love you. Thank you for teaching me how to love me too. I will see you soon.
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